Monday, April 14, 2014

Monday Minutes Challenge

This week I'm doing a prompt based on this picture for the Monday Minutes Challenge.

The coldness of the rock felt hard on my bare legs.   Deep inside me, I wish I could be calm like the waves, but the anxiety has won over. I’m going to break down.

Tears form and my vision becomes blurry. “Why, God, why?” I whisper. I hide my face in my hands as if I don’t want Him to see me this way. I can’t avoid what a liar I am. Even my dress presents me in the wrong way. I hate how the whiteness of my dress contrasts with the scars on my wrists.

Arrayah’s words come to my mind, the words she said to me when she found out. “Jesus already paid the price for everything you did, Alina. You don’t have to keep punishing yourself.”

It seemed so impossible to think about: someone not only forgiving me, but paying the fine I owe. For years, I’ve tried to independent. But it only took one look at my wrists to see that I can’t be. Changing my anxious ways has always been a goal. In the end, I’m just lying to myself. I’m a mess. No one can change that.

Not even me.

“What could You possibly do for me, God?” I peer upward to the cloudy sky. A memory appears in my mind. Mom read a verse to me once.  There was something God said about the Israelites, his people, who were unfaithful to him. The words ring in my mind. “I will have mercy on No Mercy.”

I wonder how that could be true. The Creator of this beautiful ocean, forgiving me. Something tells me it is.





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In Christ,