Friday, August 21, 2015

when i feel like a failure {part 1}

the well-known truth of life is that
No matter who you are
what you have achieved
or what you own
there will be times when you...
feel like a failure.
I can relate to this.
Because lately... I feel like I failed.
And the truth is
I do.
I fail significantly.
As a daughter.
As a sister.
As a friend,
 and the list goes on and on, you know?
But more than any of that,
I fail as a child of God.
I think terrible thoughts.
I practically invite disgusting ideas into my head.
I don't focus on Jesus,
Not as nearly as He deserves.
I am selfish. I am proud.
I. Am. A. Failure.

as much as I wish I could the truth,
I really can't.
Sometimes truth is like a smack in the face.
It hurts.
It's sudden.
And you a lot of times,
You can't avoid it.
So what you can do about it?


Friday, August 14, 2015

Beautiful Words #9 (Another Taylor Edition)

"Maybe you lost someone you never expected you would lose. Maybe you lost yourself. That’s even worse. When you have bad days that just won’t let up, I just hope that you will look in the mirror and remind yourself of what you are and what you are not. You are not your mistakes. You are not damaged goods or money from your failed explorations. You are not the opinion of someone who doesn’t know you. You are a product of the lessons that you’ve learned. You are wiser because you went through something terrible. And you are the person who survived a bunch of rainstorms and kept walking.
I now believe that pain makes you stronger. And now I believe that walking through a lot of rainstorms gets you… Clean."- Taylor Swift, Clean Speech  (1989 Tour)

 My family is going through a tough season right now and through it, I've figured out that Taylor is right. Our mistakes and trials can make us clean, but it depends on our perspective of it. Every time I listen to this song, I feel empowered and that's why I can't get over it. Good luck on the new school year!

Friday, August 7, 2015

Lies and Peer Pressure

For all of those who didn't know, I am homeschooled. I am also (shocker) a bit of an introvert. Still, being social comes a lot more naturally than it did and as a result, I have a few groups of good friends. Now don't get me wrong--I adore my friends. But being an insecure introvert, I've noticed that peer pressure can put lies in your head. So, to help myself (and hopefully you), I'm going to discuss them.

1. Don't judge me!

 Seriously, how many times have we heard these words? I don't know about you, but my worst fear is hurting someone's feelings. In this time of age, especially with conservatory subjects, judgment is looked down upon as the rudest, most insensitive thing to do. But, when you think about, what is judging? Webster's dictionary defines judging as "To compare facts or ideas, and perceive their agreement or disagreement, and thus to distinguish truth from falsehood." Disagreement isn't the same as judgement.

When you think about it, technically the phrase "don't judge me" is judging. You don't want to be seen as that "person" who always gets on everybody for doing something that doesn't match up to their standards; so you keep your mouth shut. But, as long as we do it in a respect way, there is nothing wrong with stating and defending our opinion, no matter what conservatory it would cause.

2. Parents are embarrassments. 

This isn't a huge issue in the homeschooling world, but it can be. It seems to be a well-known truth, especially in your teen years, that parents are lame. You need to be independent. You can keep secrets from your parents. You're not a child---you can do things for yourself. It's simply a nightmare when your parents randomly show up and speak to you about something personal... right in front of your friends! But is really a nightmare?

I have to admit, my parents are weird, like me. They can be awkward, like me. But under all of that, they can be super fun, like me. Sure, sometimes I wish my dad wouldn't call me strange nicknames right in front of my friends, but when I think about it, it's because he really cares about me. And if your friends can't put up with your parents, then they're not very good friends to begin with.

3. If a conversation makes you feel uncomfortable, don't show it.

With some of my friends, I'm known as the nice and friendly girl. I'm proud of that, but sometimes I feel like people underestimate me because of it. Once, when I was hanging out with a certain group of friends, someone mentioned something very bad. Unable to help it, I gasped after mentioned it. Then another one of my friends laughed and said, "Sarah just gasped after you said that!"

At first, I felt guilty. Great, I thought, Another reason for them to think I'm the goody girl of the group. But after I thought about it for awhile, I realized there was nothing wrong with what I did. My friend should not have been talking that--it was purely disgusting. That happens to me often. My friends bring up that they shouldn't and a lot of times, I keep my mouth shut. After all, it's not hurting anybody. I will be honest though: It paints terrible pictures in my head.

Most times I let it go, but when people cross certain lines, we shouldn't be afraid to confront them. Or easier than that, just walk away. But we shouldn't feel guilty if something makes us feel uncomfortable.`I think this next lie sums peer pressure up....

4. You can be yourself, as long as you don't cross lines.

We are always told to be ourselves. After all, nothing is better, right? Yet there are exceptions to this rule. "Don't do that," people say. "That's just too weird. It crosses lines." There are only a couple of friends I have that I am never afraid to be myself around. All the others, I consider doing this or that, but then I think, "No, they'll think that's weird." We seem to always be afraid of people seeing us for who we really are.

But my advice is... get weird. Don't hold it back. Because being yourself is quite fun when you make it. And if others can't handle it, it's their loss, not yours. I don't hold anything weird back from my best friends. Why? Because they know me. They know everything about me. Like the basic facts:  I'm shy... and even the stranger ones: that I'm almost sixteen and still have an obsession with talking snowmen.

The point is, the best friends you have are the ones you hold nothing back from. Believe me, they're hard to come by. So don't let them go, alright?

What are the struggles you face with peer pressure? How do you manage to be yourself in spite of it? I would love to hear your thoughts!