When Things Don't Work Out

When I was younger, I never believed in bad endings.

Of course, I knew they happened to some people, but I didn't consider them. At the time, I lived in a story world, where bad things happen, but good always wins out in the end. I always had some kind of blind hope. No matter how bad the situation was, a voice in the back of my mind would say things like, "It will work out. Time will fix it. They'll forgive each other."

But as I got older, I started to see the truth, that things don't always work out. Friends left. People died. Forgiveness was gone. Still, I held on to the movies, to the stories. But this time, I thought, "Maybe it will work out. Maybe time will fix it. Maybe he will get better."

Over the past years, friends have said goodbye. Family members have died. People I care about have fallen apart. This year, I realized the truth. It is by God's grace that anything works out. As much as I pray that it will be fine and work out, it doesn't. And it's sad. Sometimes it almost kills me.

It's sad how things have changed. We used to think that bad was easy to spot. Bad people are the evil witches and steal from the good guys. They work with dark magic, cast spells, and have a black crow  sitting on their shoulders. Sooner or later, we figure out that the successful bad guys don't dress up in black. They look like us. They smile and make us laugh. They make sure that the only time we see their real selves is when it's too late.

Lies are deceiving like that. When we were little kids, everything was black and white. You choose your path. The evil path is lonely and haunting. The good path is nice and appealing. But now, there are more shades of gray than they are wide and narrow paths.

Through everything I've seen this year, good and bad, I still find myself believing in love and happy endings. It's definitely not like stories, but it does exist. It's hard to find and you have to stick to it, but it is real. And, by God's grace, I hope to find it someday. If it wasn't real, God wouldn't have given us books like "Songs of Solomon" and chapters like 1st Corinations 13.

Right now, I can't help but doubt love. But God has reminded me that there is love. He loves us even we sin. He forgave us even when we rebelled against him. If he did that, I can too.