Writing: A Gift

A few years ago, I wrote my first book. I say that because it was my first story over 100 pages and it was the best book I'd written yet, which isn't saying much. Also, it was one of the first modern day stories I'd ever written. Before that, I was writing fairytales. The story opened up much more ideas and possibilities to me.

The theme of it was forgiveness. I'd always seen forgiveness as one of the most beautiful things on earth. Forgiveness could bring peace, melt anger, and make the most unlikely of friendships. Jesus had forgiven me and that helped me see the beauty of forgiveness.

Soon afterwards, I wrote another book. For some odd reason, the central idea revolved around forgiveness. Even now, most of my books have something to with forgiveness one way or another. Of course, that's not a bad thing. One day,  my best friend, who I read all my stories to, asked, "Why are all of your stories about forgiveness?"

I really didn't have an answer to that. To be honest, I hadn't given it much thought. I simply thought forgiveness was amazing and I liked to write about amazing things. Back then, I didn't realize the main reason I write about the subject. Now I do.

Because I struggle with it, a lot. Though I see it as a great thing, often times I can't do it.Why? Other than I'm sinner, negative words are easily remembered and extremely hard to forget, if that's even possible. It's probably the worst thing about negative words.

Memories haunt me. Hurtful words come back to me at the worst of times. Not only that, but I lied. I tell people I forgive them and act like it's okay, when I secretly can't bring myself to do it.  That hindered me from succeeding to forgive. It was only recently when I realized the true reason why I always wrote about forgiveness. Because especially then, I was still trying to forgive.

And the sad thing is, I still am sometimes.

But God gives me forgiveness. He gives me grace and mercy, despite my many sins and mess-ups. It's why he gave me writing, to show me the beauty of forgiveness, to teach me how to forgive.

I couldn't be more grateful to Him because of that. To me, writing is more than a hobby, job, or even a lifestyle. Truly, it's a gift, not a talent. It's a gift from God.

So tell me, how is a writing a gift to you?

What I Can't Control

If anyone hasn't guessed by now, I am a writer. I write fiction. In my brain are thousands of stories, characters I call my own. By chance you would hang out with me, you might see me mouthing words to myself maybe a few times. And that's just me.

Not a lot of people have read my works. (expect for the Monday Minutes Challenge) I haven't written much fiction on this blog either. None of it is especially good. In the future, though, I do hope to have some kind of writing career.

Why do I like writing so much? There are many reasons actually. One of them is that I like to have something that I can not only imagine, but control. No matter how uncontrollable life is, my stories are always my own choice. I can choose which stories to put on paper. Mistakes aren't that a big deal either. If I reconsider killing a character, I can bring it to life just like that. I can break a heart, mend another. It's that simple.

Unfortunately, life isn't like that.

Okay, I know what you're thinking. Well, duh. Of course you can't control life. I know that. Being a writer means I have to continually remind myself of that.

As much as I wish that my story is real, it's not. My characters are different sides to me. They help me get through things. But just the same, they're not real. It's hard to admit, but it's truth.

I was reminded of that this past weekend. I had a hard time doing something that was the right thing, but it was sad for me. The pain was much more than anything I felt when I killed my favorite characters.

But through every trial and pain, there is hope.

Even secular stories have reminded me of that. Peeta. Olaf. I think it's because that everyone never wants to avoid hope. We need hope. Things get hard, but when hope comes, no one rejects it.

I will remember that there are many things in life I can't control, but Jesus does.

Even if I could control things, I probably would mess things up. In a terrifying mess, it's hard to see Jesus' love. Our reminder, our hope, is that God controls what we don't. He sees what we don't. Most of all, he loves when we cannot.

I am a writer. I must realize that life isn't stories. Other than myself, there is nothing I can control. God does what I can't. He keeps the whole world under his arms. My unfailing hope is that He is in control.

PS: On the whole writing subject, I'm going to start posting some writing advice. I really like writing blogs and I decided to share some techniques I've noticed from my favorite books that have helped me. So stay tune.