Bottled Up Emotions

"I suppose that's my problem. I give myself very good advice, but very seldom do I take it."

Today, I heard this quote after watching Alice in Wonderland for the first time in forever. Despite how I often I wonder what the point of that movie is, I could definitely relate to this quote. I love to think, to discover new things about life and put those into words--words I express everywhere. But I realize that what you say can be a lot harder than what you do. I struggle with that constantly.

Maybe I'm going through some sort of identity crisis. I think I know who I am, but the more I think about it, I really don't know. I haven't written a full book by myself in about a year now, which is somewhat shocking. It's not that I don't have ideas. I do. But I can't seem to put them in words. The ideas that I can write are ideas that aren't completely my own. I want to have my own ideas; I want to create independently again. Huh, I don't know what my problem is.

I've noticed how much I hide my true feelings. Even when I cried a lot, I hated when people actually saw me cry. Nowadays, I cry rarely. It's funny, I always try to be the friend who listens. Day after day, I simply listen to people talk about their troubles. And that's fine, I love doing that. I've learned that sometimes all someone needs is for a friend to listen to them.

At the same though, I don't express my deep emotions to anyone. I listen to people, but when I need someone to listen to me, there's no one there. Either that, or I just don't want to express my feelings to anyone. It can be the worst feeling--to keep all your anger or sadness bottled up inside. I have no problem expressing happiness and joy. That's my favorite thing to do. But when the time does come, when I find myself angry or depressed, I simply rant to myself with no one to listen. The more I start to notice it, the more I see it's becoming to be a bit of a problem. But it's part of who I am, I suppose. Then again, I just said I'm not sure who I am.

But I look forward to the day when I find out.

So what are your thoughts?

{P.S Credits to my amazing sister, Bernie, who took the picture of these breathtaking trees}